Popes and Mopery

Wow, so there's gonna be a new Pope.  Another one? 

You know, the whole phenomenon of Catholic priest-pedophilia thing still intrigues and horrifies me.  The seeming prevalance of it.  It's like if it came to light that Methodists are huge in the meth trade.  I mean, what is the reason?  I know priests aren't allowed to smash so they have all this pent-up male jelly, but why wasn't it a scandal of priests sleeping with hookers or seducing teenage girls?  Why all the little boys?  This is disturbing.

See, i always figured that attraction is a mix of genetics and psychological imprinting.  If it were only genetics, then we'd all likely be attracted to healthy members of the same race.  But that doesn't happen.  You might be an American male who really likes slender asian girls.  Or a slender asian guy who likes tall, blonde American women.  Or a black guy who really likes white chicks and doesn't mess with black chicks.  Or a girl who's turned on by old gray Sean Connery-type guys.  Or a white girl who likes black guys.  Or a gay dude who only likes superfit guys.  Or a gay dude who likes fat hairy guys.  Or the guy who wants the 500-pound girlfriend, or some real weirdo who only wants to bang handicapped midgets.  It's all a game of chance, depending on what you're exposed to early in life, what makes an imprint on your psychosexual self...

...so, what sort of weird imprints to lifelong Catholics get?  I keep thinking that as kids, they never saw a Playboy magazine without being beaten or shamed for it.  And they spend their formative years... like.... surrounded by old, hideous, screeching nuns with wrinkly faces, and told to worship some naked dude on a Cross, surrounded by rosy-cheeked nude cherub Renaissance angels?

Is that it?  Does that rewire their impulses for pedophilia?

I demand an experiment.  I demand that an isolated Catholic school remove all their typical imagery, and replace it with material where all angels are depicted as hot, curvaceous young girls, and Jesus wears a robe and looks like Radagast, and all nuns must be of a minimum attractiveness level, and wear habits that are, if not revealing, then certainly more form-fitting and flattering than what they have now.

We must create a new overclass of heterosexual superpriests.  The modern age demands it. 

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