Yay, Americaball outcome!
You know, after reading loads of Robert Anton
Wilson and thinking about it, i think i finally know exactly who and
what the Illuminati really were. Bear with me here, this gets
speculative...
"The Illuminati" was a title used by several interrelated groups in Europe
that formed within Masonic lodges at various points in European
history. It was an intellectual fad that seemed to have two main ideas;
the abolition of hereditary monarchy, and the elimination of church
authority in favor of a Deist conception of god or no god at all. The
Illuminated Ones, as they called themselves, never achieved visible
power, but greatly influenced intellectuals and leaders in France and
the American Colonies. It was a special club that only certain smart people could join.
When i stop and think about it, hereditary monarchy that was held in
place by religious authority must have been the most galling idea
imaginable to people with functioning brains for thousands of years.
Imagine if we, today, lived in a world where George W. Bush was
ruler-for-life, and not through an electoral process -- however shady --
but because his father simply installed him, and he was issuing edicts
and starting more pointless wars, all while trying to produce a male
heir so that the throne wouldn't go to the husband of Jenna or Barbara.
Dude, we'd be angry all day. We'd seek out fellow non-zombies and
gather in our homes, or certain isolated taverns, and say over and over
again...
"It doesn't make sense, it's a ludicrous system. If a god
exists, and i have my doubts, i hardly think he'd want the imbecile
heirs of a conqueror to have absolute authority over us for an
indefinite time! Crap, there has to be a better way, a more logical way
to organize society. Look at all these fools around us, why don't they
understand this?
"I totally agree, but should we really be discussing this here? Hey, let's go to the lodge and talk about it with my buddies who feel the same way.... except Gunter, he's a real dumb asshole who thinks King Charles I is awesome. We should kick him out."
"We should kick out anyone who isn't on the level, man."
"Totally, man!"
And that's why they developed code words, and secret handshakes, and
an air of mystery. They were afraid of being jailed or having their
reputations destroyed by the 85% of people who thought that the king was
the king because God wanted it that way, and if you don't agree you're
unpatriotic and you WANT France to win. And i guess many of our Founding Fathers, the really brilliant ones
like Franklin and Jefferson, were big fans, and considered themselves
"illuminated." Hence the eye in the pyramid on our currency. Hence the office of the President. They had
stumbled on to a secret that most people didn't accept -- that God
wasn't in control here, and that authority was conceived wholly by Man
and thus could take any form we wished it to.
(And judging by Franklin's activities, they also discovered another
secret -- casual sex was fun and great, and the whole marriage-God thing
was just more superstition. Venereal disease is a possibility, yes,
but that's purely a medical problem best solved through science. )
And basically, they won. Gradually. Monarchs faded and were
replaced by democracies. If there's an equivalent of the Illuminati
today, it's in China. Or it exists in the form of every non-persecuted
Western intellectual who spends their time writing about how capitalism
is an insane way to organize society, and there's gotta be a better way. I bet if you could meet a real Illuminati member from 1750 and spin a
wild tale about them "controlling everything" throughout history, he'd
stammer and say, "what? No, man, we were the underdogs. We were just
some smart people hiding in the shadows and trying to change the world,
and in my lifetime, it seemed that almost no progress was made. Did you
guys ever get rid of those damned kings, i hate them so much, they
control everything!"
I mean, this makes sense, right?
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