Oscar Grouches

  I don't hate the Oscars. It's too trendy to hate the Oscars. Come on, Jennifer Lawrence is adorable, what's your problem? More importantly, it's hard to hate something that radio conservatives also hate. On the way to work, i listened to a few minutes of Supertalk 99.7, and sure enough, some right-wing goon was screeching about Hollywood's "toxic fog" and "endless sewer pipe of degradation." Which, you know, is hilarious. Conservatives just have it in their minds that Hollywood releases nothing except pornographic movies about drug users who hate America and hard work...

...and i'm still just confused. Where are those movies? I want to see them. That's not what i see coming out of the movie industry. I think i ranted about this like a year ago -- some famous online wingnut released a video claiming that movies about American heroes "no longer exist" on the same weekend when Captain America was number one at the box office and selling twice as many tickets as expected. But here we are again. Okay, let's just look at the critically-lauded movies of the year....

Argo: A movie about how awesome Americans save other awesome Americans from the swarthy Iranian hordes.

Lincoln: I haven't seen it, but i imagine it's rather patriotic.

Life of Pi: Supposedly, it's about the greatness of God? It does have brown people in it, so that's a bit suspect to conservatives.

Beasts of the Southern Wild: Also contains a lot of brown people and is partly about Hurricane Katrina, but is essentially apolitical. All the conflict in the movie comes from Hushpuppy's disturbed father, who is a poor black alcoholic who needs to get a job.

Zero Dark Thirty: A movie about how we totally killed Osama bin Laden, America, fuck yeah?  No, wait, tht happened under Obama, so the killing of Osama is no longer patriotic; it's just awful.

Django Unchained: Seriously, why are conservatives against this movie? It's a western. They love westerns. They love movies where lone bad-asses shoot everybody. John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, Charles Bronson.... Django. What's the problem here? Is it because of slaves?

Silver Linings Playbook: I have no idea what this is about, it must be the one about the naked hippies on drugs who hate America.

And what about our recent blockbusters?

The Dark Knight Rises: Western millionaire defeats scary foreign terrorist and cures a fallen woman of her wanton ways.

The Avengers: A bunch of white superheroes, including Captain America, defeat a foreign army led by a villain who is, you know, a bit lavender, really.

The Hunger Games: Scrappy girl from rural coal town battles against the decadent, perverted city people.

Skyfall: The ultimate traditional male races to save his stern boss from an evil latino homosexual terrorist.

The Hobbit: A white middle-class guy goes off to find riches.

Twilight: Breaking Dawn II: Okay, they're vampires, but they waited until they were married to have sex.

...does anyone else see this?

Even though Hollywood is full of gays and swarming with liberals like Ben Affleck and George Clooney, the products coming from Hollywood are still fairly conservative in nature. So why the disconnect? Did these conservatives see Natural Born Killers back in 1994 and haven't been the same since? Meh. I guess it's just more of that good old American either/or thinking. Either the movie industry is a bastion of wholesomeness that dishes out nothing but Christian pablum, or it's the polar opposite. Gray areas don't exist in the conservative mind.

 Honestly, i'm not a fan of conservatives and how they think. Did you know that.

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